Thoughtlessness

Typically thoughtlessness is considered closely related to inconsideration, isn't it?  Well I decided to do an entry without thought or without planned thought.  I think that I have mentioned before that I write on 750words.com yet I haven't been very consistent.  I love consistency, I dream about it I long for it, I envy it in others.  I myself, on the other hand am not very consistent. I suppose it boils down to habits.  You do what you want and leave out what you don't.  Even if those things you don't want to do are things that you really want to do!

Possibly it's just a fantasy that you'd like to do certain things to enrich your life or the like.  But if you really wanted to do them, you would....wouldn't you?

I long for consistency in my life, let's take for example exercise.  I would love to be consistent at exercise everyday, but that is not what takes place in my life.  The only way I am consistent with something such as exercise is if I am accountable to someone or an appointed time to meet someone to exercise.  Then I am very consistent.  What is the psychology behind being accountable to someone else but not myself?  Does it boil down to self worth?  Do I not value myself enough to have worth to be accountable to myself? Or do I really deep down not want to exercise?

There is a litany of things that I do this with in my life. But the list cannot be all that bad because I do have a job, family, obligations, bills that I am consistent with....but that could be because others are counting on me to be accountable.  Hmmm, there again, it is with things that have to do with myself personally that I am inconsistent with, that is interesting.

I must say before I go on, 'thank you" for reading this post of pure pontification. 

I believe that creativity must have a small thing to do with inconsistency.  There is a measure of dullness with consistency I have noticed.  When a person is creative, there are major inconsistencies possibly due to distracted thought.  I should probably consider researching if there is a book out there that specifically measures the differences in highly creative people and highly consistent people.  My father and I are one of each.  He is highly consistent, like award winning consistent.  I always wanted to be like him, I still do!  However I don't know how I can be a creative and be consistent. 

I have learned a couple things in this mid-life era of my life and that is, slow down.  Slow the heck down.  I cannot whip through all the things I want to do or accomplish or learn as fast as I thought I could and it just frustrates me, so I have learned to slow down.  I am starting to look at my life in terms of the years overall that I have left.  I would say approximately 40 years left if I live that long.  Or if the Lord doesn't come back between now and then.  So 40 years, what could I plan or learn in 40 years?  Tons!! 

So relax and enjoy and take the days one at a time, that is what I am always telling myself.  So many things I want to do and learn, yet I will experience a greater measure of fulfilment if I do slow down and stop thinking of life as if it's ending tomorrow, yes we are not promised tomorrow but I don't want to have anxiety today due to racing through life.

So as for consistency I have 22 days straight of writing 750 words thus far and I plan to go for 100.  I almost made it to 100 back in 2011, I failed on day 97.  The website is pretty neat-o because they award your account with badges if you write consistently.  I have a few badges and the longest writing streak badge that I have is 30 days.  The next badge is 100 days, it's the "Phoenix" badge 100 days of writing....consistently!  But then I would like to get all the badges, I think they go up to 1000 days, I'll have to check again.

I wonder what writing really does for a person? Getting all the words out.  I know that I have heard of articles written where writing does something for the emotional well being of a person.  I will continue and find out.

On another note, what about reading fiction?  Does that really do anything for a person?  I asked a couple of "readers" and I wasn't really satisfied with their answers, no definitive responses just "it brings me pleasure, or makes me happy or I like it".  I want the scientific, or psychological answer I suppose.  Maybe I'll have to look that up too, until then  Goodnight, thanks for reading, whoever you may be :)

Missing you

Hello!

Good Tuesday to you!  It’s a beautiful spring day today here in Las Vegas, NV! (actually this photo isn't in Vegas, but It's Meredith here writing to you! haha)

I used to hate the desert, even though I am a native to it.  I fell in love with the desert when I went to Hawaii last year, I was eaten alive by mosquitoes and couldn’t really breathe due to the humidity. 

(my son took that photo from our condo in Kauai, how could I prefer desert over that? lol)

I never in my dreams would think that I would fall in love with the desert.  However, I know the desert, it’s familiar and I know how to stay cool, how to plant greenery etc.  I believe any place can be a lovely abode with the right set of eyes to look through.

Filter…you see as I write this blog, the word filter is always on my mind.  I understand there is an element of wisdom with using filter to some extent, otherwise why wouldn’t I write anonymously? Oh geez, I’m listening to Frank Sinatra radio on Pandora and the horns are a little too much, whew! That song is over…

I can be random and for sure be unrefined and raw, especially in writing. I mean who cares?  I’m not getting published, nor getting a grade or critique.

I would love a comment though…does anyone ever welcome a comment?  Negativity is something that takes courage to face, but what if my outlook is hopeful of a positive comment?

Now I am boring myself.  

I would like my writing to uplift people in some way.  How exactly is that done?  Just be myself? Am I uplifting in and of myself?  I would say Christ in me is, for sure.  He is the most inspiring encouraging person I know.  And he’s absolutely fascinating!  I get to know this!  I have had him in my life most of my life and never knew these things.

I would like to be the kind of person that is missed, when removed from people’s lives.  There are people I miss greatly that are no longer in my life.  I have always heard of other people say that, “not a day goes by where I don’t think of _______” whomever it may be.  I also would like to add, “not a day goes by where I don’t pray for _____”  Unless of course the person has died already, then I would be hopeful to meet again in heaven.  

Did you know pets are in heaven?  Now I sound like a 7 year old haha…but honestly, I believe that.  It’s not something to make me feel better.  I was perfectly fine before I knew this. 

Part of me can be quite calloused about death. I used to be fine letting go of pets or people etc.  But now that I know pets are in heaven, all the better!  I wonder why people have a harder time handling loss or letting go than others?  My question is, why do I miss some people and not others?  It doesn’t make sense to me.  I wish I had answers in this realm, to know why I miss some more than others.  Maybe I’ll ask God, I should ask him.  I’ll let you know what he tells me, when he decides to reveal that information.

For now I must go, this is me, in the raw..no editing no filtering, well maybe a tiny bit…but I am progressing with courage to move forward with this.  I make no apology for who I am today, for I may be a little different tomorrow.

Have a glorious day friends!

Introvert

Blogging isn't necessarily easy.

I find it easy to write everyday on a website called "750words" which I love, due to the fact that it is private.  It's the public factor that makes it so difficult to stay consistent from day to day.  

I once heard someone say that introverts are bored with everyday talk because they are more intimate people in nature and love to discuss the deeper things.  I have discover in the last year that I am more of an introvert. Many would argue that point, namely my family.  They would argue, "but Meredith, you're outgoing and loud and love to be seen etc etc...."  Upon learning more about what introverts are truly like, I identified more and more.  For instance, if you ask yourself the question, "where are you refreshed, or rejuvenated most? Is it when you are with people or by yourself?"  

I know people who gain more energy being around others and walk away "full".  However I walk away "full" after having been by myself.  Could we call this a true introvert trait?  Or is it a trait on a whole other realm besides introversion and extroversion? 

I am so curious about way too many things, or can there be too many?  It's a time thing, curiosity begs the question why? Which begs the question well...let's find out why?

I talked with a friend recently who started a recipie, kind of domestic blog and she was struggling with entries on her blog in conjunction with it being public.  I stated to her, just be you and don't worry about filter, people will love you for who you are.

What a ridiculous piece of advice, when I cannot even come to terms with that very issue myself.  I am a brave person, so I think and I would like to attempt to speak, write, post, blog without a filter, editing, etc.  So with that being said, this has been my first step.

Thanks for reading,

Meredith :)